Behind the allures of beauty and smiles

By Ola Agaigbe


Often time’s people move about with smiles that seem to cover up pains churned from the realities faced, smiles that make you feel happy to be alive and just a little bit more human. In their world, beauty no longer matters, in an attempt to appear happy, people use all sorts of make up to cover up the harsh realities that befall them, while they die in silence.

In our society today,the situation is not any different, more people are reporting incidence of domestic violence, while thousands more die in silence citing several cultural barriers and choose to bear the brunt till their eventual demise, what a mirage!!!. If you are a victim or have seen a victim of domestic violence then you certainly will be aware of just how frightening it can be. The daring questions on people’s lips today is knowing the cause of this violence, are the people involved just lunatic or are there other reasons behind it?

Recent findings show that alcohol has a large part to play in leading cases of domestic violence; others include insecurity in relationships, economic hardship, and depression just to mention a few. A lot of things can go wrong when domestic violence occur, the most severe been death, mutilated body parts, acid attacks, divorce, health problems, etc.

There were times while growing up I dreaded night times, times I laid in my bed listening to the sound of fighting between my mum and dad. My mother would shout, and in return my drunken father would pummel her and the screaming would start. She would cry until there was no strength left in her, this continued until  mum was no more, today with tears in my eye I remembered how mum succumbed to the fist of domestic violence, her fear were how we were going to survive without dad, how the society would label her, to conceal her fears she bore the pains to death. Today there are thousands if not millions out there who still suffer the same fate, women who are too scared to cry out for help, they bare this scar till their dying days, however people need to be enlightened on the dangers of domestic violence and how it can be prevented.

Another serious cause of domestic violence in our society today is known to be this evil “depression”. Some people who are normally very relaxed can become very angry and abusive when in a deep state of depression. These depressed individuals often take their problems and frustrations out on their partners, leading to severe injuries and in other scenarios life threatening situations.

To this end, preventing sexual, domestic and family violence involves taking actions before, during and after violence has happened. This means initiating programs designed to:

  • prevent violence from occurring at all (primary prevention)
  • stop individuals or groups from establishing controlling or violent behaviors (secondary prevention)
  • minimize the impacts of violence on those who experience it, and to prevent offenders from re-offending (tertiary prevention)

Be that as it may, primary prevention initiatives to preventing domestic violence usually targets factors that give rise to the conditions for gender based violence that influence behavior, including structural barriers of gender inequality and gender socialization, and social norms that enable gender based violence. Essentially, primary prevention programs aim to strengthen protective factors and overcome risk factors that facilitate these forms of violence. Primary prevention programs include strategies designed to educate people in certain areas such as Sex and Ethics program, changing violent behaviors through counseling. Preventing sexual and domestic violence also entails preventing people from engaging in violent or controlling behaviors towards others.

Also, Secondary prevention strategies have been developed, this strategy is seen as an ‘early intervention’ programs for those who display evidence of becoming violent offenders. The aim is to prevent them from exhibiting certain specific behaviors in the future.

Furthermore tertiary prevention programs are those that engage violent offenders, to the end that such programs prevent them from re-offending. The final component of preventing sexual and domestic violence is responding effectively to those who have experienced such violence, in order to minimize the impacts of the violence as much as possible.

Today in Nigeria there are lots of counseling and support services designed to address Rape & Domestic Violence in Nigeria, this services and counseling are provided by certain NGO’s, the aim of this counseling is aimed at supporting those who have experienced sexual and domestic violence towards recovery. When recovery is been mentioned in domestic violence it doesn’t mean forgetting about the violence, it is about getting to a place where the violence becomes an experience in the person’s life, and not one that controls their life”.

Whether it is because of depression or alcohol, one solution to this domestic violence problem could be to attend some form of anger management program, furthermore victims of such violence should know that they have a voice, all they need do is cry out for help, and they would be linked to relevant agencies that would help their plight.

Ogwuche francis isaac


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